The Real Reason You’re Afraid of What Someone Might Think
Soooo you’re afraid of how someone’s going to react. To your decision, your action, even just what you wear to work today.
Yep. Same.
This very normal, very human fear shows up everywhere. In tiny ways (like not correcting a cashier when they overcharge you) and in major, life-altering ways (like staying in a job you hate because your boss will be “so disappointed” if you leave).
And the kicker? It’s often happening without us even realizing it.
But today, we’re going to change that. I’m going to plant a little seed in your mind garden (I know…just go with it for a sec). Because if you let this idea grow, it can, without a doubt, change your entire life.
The Sneaky Way FOPO Runs Your Decisions
FOPO—Fear of People’s Opinions—has a way of swooping in and hijacking your choices before you even know what’s happening.
Example: I once bought a bottle of wine at my neighborhood butcher. The listed price was $10 lower than what I was charged. And did I say anything? Of course not.
Because in the span of half a second, my brain hit me with:
Don’t be annoying.
Don’t be cheap.
Don’t hold up the line.
Just pay and get out of here.
And just like that, FOPO won.
Was it a big deal? No. But also... yes. Because these little moments aren’t just about a $10 price difference. They add up. They chip away at your self-trust. They reinforce a story that says, I don’t stand up for myself. I don’t like my own choices. I am not a decisive person. And when those stories start running the show? They don’t just affect your wine-buying habits—they shape your entire life.
The Real Fear Hiding Underneath FOPO
Okay, here’s where we take things a step further. A lot of the time, we’re not actually afraid of people’s reactions.
We’re afraid that we’ll be disappointed in them.
Think about it.
Let’s say you’re dreading telling your boss that you’re quitting. You’re worried they’ll say, You’re abandoning the team!
Now… sure, that would be an uncomfortable moment. But isn’t the real fear that your boss will actually think that? That they’ll reveal themselves to be someone who doesn’t support you, doesn’t see your worth, and isn’t as professional as you’d hoped?
That’s the gut punch. The disappointment.
Or let’s say you want to do your own thing for the holidays instead of following your family’s traditions. And you just know your mom is going to take it personally.
Of course, you don’t want her to feel hurt. But isn’t the deeper fear that she’ll double down on the guilt trip instead of just… being happy for you making the choice that’s most fun for you?
Why This Shift in Perspective Changes Everything
If this idea seed is sprouting, you might be feeling a little 😬 well, damn.
And I get it. Realizing that FOPO is actually fear of our disappointment in them doesn’t magically make things easier. But it does help us navigate it differently.
Instead of seeing yourself as weak (ugh, why do I care so much about their reaction?), you can recognize that you simply value this relationship and want to believe the best about people.
Instead of seeing them as villains (wow, they’re the worst), you can acknowledge that they’re just… people. Doing the best they can with the emotional skill set they have.
And with all of that, you lower the stress of the situation and free yourself up to make choices you actually stand by.
So, What Now?
Next time FOPO starts creeping in, pause. Ask yourself:
🔹 Am I actually afraid of their reaction… or am I afraid I’ll be disappointed by it?
🔹 If their response is a letdown, is that really my problem to fix?
🔹 What would change if I trusted myself to handle their reaction, whatever it may be?
And then? Make your choice. Own it.
And for the love of breadsticks, stop beating yourself up for past moments when FOPO won. Your stress response isn’t a moral failing. But now that you see what’s happening, you have a chance to build new habits—ones that make your decisions yours, not everybody else’s.
Let me know what grows in your mind garden. 🌱 (…weird metaphor complete!)
Wait, I need more help!
Is it time to work together? I help overthinking high-achievers trust their choices.
Whether you need help being more decisive, taking up more space in your own life, or truly figuring out what you want so you can take action on it — coaching with me gives you guidance, accountability and an expert in your corner.
We’ll use science-backed tools and proven strategies to change mental and physical habits, decrease your baseline overwhelm, and grow your self-trust to the point that you make clear, conscious, self-honoring decisions with ease, daily.
It starts — naturally — with some decisive action.
Book your no-strings Free Consultation where we’ll talk like humans, break down your goals, identify a path forward, and figure out if we’re a fit to work together.
